Stop Closing
When I went consulting 25 years ago I was told the importance of closing. I was told to spend about 15% of my time building the relationship, 35% understanding their needs and 50% negotiating the deal.
It took me a long time and several years of limited success to realise that this model was totally wrong. A far better model says that you should spend about 50% of your time building the relationship, 35% understanding their needs and 15% negotiating the deal. Indeed if the relationship is strong enough the negotiation part can totally disappear.
Building relationships
I have found that it is better to have a few really strong relationships than to have a book full of people you sort of know. These people will be your champions, passing you on to their peers, giving you repeat work, and singing your praise. If you succeed at building these relationships you can almost entirely bypass the selling process.
The most useful ways I’ve found to help me build solid relationships is through 1. understanding them as people (body, head, heart and soul), 2. giving and 3. love.
Understanding them
Understanding is all about asking questions and listening. Often the simplest way to find out about the person is just to ask them.
Some good questions to start with are:
It is also vital to talk in a language they understand. People talk in different languages, use different words, have different expectations and relate to different approaches. If you can talk in their language you will be immediately understood and the connection will be stronger. Herrmann’s Brain Dominance Index (HBDI) is the best tool I know to achieve this.
Giving
Generosity is the basis of relationships. Some people take from the relationship - they are like refrigerators, they suck energy out of the relationship. Other people work at building relationships by deliberately finding ways to give to the relationship - they are like radiators, they pump energy into the relationship.
In my experience the moment I start focusing on me is the moment the relationship goes off the rails. The trick is to keep focused entirely on the other person and think only about what you can give them. This is merely the application of the Socratic Law of Causality working. It says, “You reap what you sow”. The first few times you use this Law you need to work on trust. Take a deep breath and give it a go. After it has worked a few times you will be able to relax into it, knowing that the world truly is a world of plenty rather than scarcity.
As you do this, your trust in the Law of Reciprocity will grow. You will feel better about yourself. Others will feel better about you and you will enter a big self-reinforcing virtuous cycle. When we give, a hormone called serotonin is released in your brain. Serotonin causes feelings of pleasure. Serotonin is not only released in the giver, it is also released in the receiver. They can’t help but feel pleasure. It’s hardwired. But it gets better. The real payoff comes because every person who sees this act of generosity and everyone who hears about it subsequently is equally affected.
The most important things you can give to your relationships are:
Love is the ultimate resource - the more you give it away the stronger it gets.
What do I mean by love? For me love is about:
I give these snippets of advice because I care about business and how consultants can make it better. It’s the same reason I wrote my book and have parcelled up all my knowledge, processes and experience gained over 25 years and made it available to you and other internal and external consultants who don’t have the time or resources to develop it themselves. If you know anyone else who would benefit from reading this snippet please forward it on to them.
Bruce Holland The Consultant’s Consultant
CrackingGreatLeaders.com
It took me a long time and several years of limited success to realise that this model was totally wrong. A far better model says that you should spend about 50% of your time building the relationship, 35% understanding their needs and 15% negotiating the deal. Indeed if the relationship is strong enough the negotiation part can totally disappear.
Building relationships
I have found that it is better to have a few really strong relationships than to have a book full of people you sort of know. These people will be your champions, passing you on to their peers, giving you repeat work, and singing your praise. If you succeed at building these relationships you can almost entirely bypass the selling process.
The most useful ways I’ve found to help me build solid relationships is through 1. understanding them as people (body, head, heart and soul), 2. giving and 3. love.
Understanding them
Understanding is all about asking questions and listening. Often the simplest way to find out about the person is just to ask them.
Some good questions to start with are:
- What things do you enjoy most/least?
- If you were going to lose sleep over something, what would it tend to be?
- If things go wrong, what is the most common cause?
- What sort of pressures do you come under?
- What do you see as your strengths/weaknesses?
- What would constitute ‘a great relationship’ as far as you are concerned?
It is also vital to talk in a language they understand. People talk in different languages, use different words, have different expectations and relate to different approaches. If you can talk in their language you will be immediately understood and the connection will be stronger. Herrmann’s Brain Dominance Index (HBDI) is the best tool I know to achieve this.
Giving
Generosity is the basis of relationships. Some people take from the relationship - they are like refrigerators, they suck energy out of the relationship. Other people work at building relationships by deliberately finding ways to give to the relationship - they are like radiators, they pump energy into the relationship.
In my experience the moment I start focusing on me is the moment the relationship goes off the rails. The trick is to keep focused entirely on the other person and think only about what you can give them. This is merely the application of the Socratic Law of Causality working. It says, “You reap what you sow”. The first few times you use this Law you need to work on trust. Take a deep breath and give it a go. After it has worked a few times you will be able to relax into it, knowing that the world truly is a world of plenty rather than scarcity.
As you do this, your trust in the Law of Reciprocity will grow. You will feel better about yourself. Others will feel better about you and you will enter a big self-reinforcing virtuous cycle. When we give, a hormone called serotonin is released in your brain. Serotonin causes feelings of pleasure. Serotonin is not only released in the giver, it is also released in the receiver. They can’t help but feel pleasure. It’s hardwired. But it gets better. The real payoff comes because every person who sees this act of generosity and everyone who hears about it subsequently is equally affected.
The most important things you can give to your relationships are:
- Your time
- Your relationships
- Your knowledge
- Your trust
- Your belief in them
- Yourself.
Love is the ultimate resource - the more you give it away the stronger it gets.
What do I mean by love? For me love is about:
- Helping the person be more of who they are. Including building their genius and achieving their purpose
- Helping set the person free. Including removing barriers, real and imagined
- Building their strengths
- Reducing their weaknesses
- Reducing their fears (hurt, anger, frustrations, disappointments, guilt's, inadequacies and loneliness).
I give these snippets of advice because I care about business and how consultants can make it better. It’s the same reason I wrote my book and have parcelled up all my knowledge, processes and experience gained over 25 years and made it available to you and other internal and external consultants who don’t have the time or resources to develop it themselves. If you know anyone else who would benefit from reading this snippet please forward it on to them.
Bruce Holland The Consultant’s Consultant
CrackingGreatLeaders.com